Coffee Sergeant vs. Aphrodite Mae

[Aphrodite Mae]

Hi!

I'm starting this thread because either Rafiki or Daxil recommended that each game in the tournament have a corresponding thread. Maybe we can use this to keep from having our PM boxes overflow, if nothing else.

Here's a sitrep:
Kjstrand will be hosting our matchup, and has sent the relevant files.
I will be playing CSA in the first round of our Far West matchup.
As soon as I complete this post, I'm going to install the files, evaluate my turn, and send it back!

Havely

[Coffee Sergeant]

It's on like Donkey Kong

[Daxil]

Yes, if people want to do AARs that would be great. Thanks!

[Aphrodite Mae]

I've posted my move to Kjstrand: Wednesday, November 12, 2008 at 00:47:47 Zulu time!

Hopefully, "a day which will live in infamy" for Coffee SGT!

This is so cool! Thanks again, Daxil, for such a great idea!

[Aphrodite Mae]

Wanna hear something funny?

After I made that last post, I wasn't expecting to hear back from our host, Kjstrand, until sometime tomorrow. Maybe. And so, to let him know that I'd sent it, I dashed off a quick little PM that was titled: "It's been almost five minutes and I STILL haven't heard from you!"

But you know what? He'd already processed the turn and sent it back.
Oops! (giggle)

We haven't even done anything, and I'm already havin' a blast!
Wheeee!

[Daxil]

Im still trying to coordinate our 4 so you guys are ahead of the ball.

[Aphrodite Mae]

So! I've posted my second move!
Breaking news: Coffee Sergeant has done horse pouncing :dada n me!
Nobody's been hurt yet, though. We're just kinda glarin' at each other, at the depot in Rollins. Meanwhile, everybody else is sneakin' around, in the fog.

Stay tuned!

[tagwyn]

"Rollins?"

[Aphrodite Mae]

"Rollins?"

Oops! I meant to say "Rolla". Thanks, Tag, for pointing that out! Just in case I got it wrong again, its the supply depot in Missouri that's kinda SW of St Louis and SE of Jefferson City. It's hard to miss, 'cause there are a bunch of Union Cavalry dudes there.

So, guess what, everybody?! I won a fight by running away!

Remember my little Militia guys I mentioned in the other post, who were glaring at the Cav guys and making cat calls and all that stuff? Well, those Cav guys kinda got sick of it, and whipped out guns! Talk about over reacting! That's just not nice!

Things were getting ugly, as so my sweet little militia dudes decided to leave before someone got hurt. So none of my guys were hurt... but those Union meanies started shooting, and... well, I guess accidents happen sometimes, 'cause they hurt themselves. At least, I think so; they lost about 5 dozen men and horses. All I lost was a little bit of ammo and a tiny bit of dignity ('cause we left so soon after arriving).

Meanwhile, way down south in Dixie, something horrible appeared out of the fog in the NW corner of Arkansas. Yet another of my supply depots got grabbed, by Cav! At a place that starts with an F. I think.

How greedy... I mean, he's already snatched one supply depot in Rollins or Rolla or where ever it is; and now, this Coffee Sergeant guy is wanting another? That's just plain ol' impolite, if you ask me. Not to mention greedy. Surely there are enough for us to share!

So: I guess I'm going to have to put a stop to this kind of behavior, you know? Otherwise, the next thing you know, he'll be wanting the entire state!

[Daxil]

This is turning out to be the most unique AAR I've ever read. It's like reading an old west romance.

[Aphrodite Mae]

All quiet on the Western Front!

And that makes me nervous. Is that pesky Yankee preparing to do more horse pouncing? He's already taken all of the supply depots I've got; maybe he's happy with that, and will leave me alone from now on.

Or maybe not. I'm kinda thinking "not", to tell the truth. I'm just terribly afraid that there are enormous armies massing "out there", somewhere, in the fog. It's like some kind of Clive Barker horror novel: "What was that?! ...Did something move, out there in the fog?! ...Lock up the women and children! ...And bring all of the guns that we've got!" Of course, usually in horror movies somebody says, "hey, let's split up!", and everybody agrees, and then... well, bad things happen. So I'm not going to do that, because I know better.

I was going to try to rename one of my armies as "The Enormous Army of Apocalyptic Doom" to kinda mess with the Yankee's minds, but it wouldn't fit in the little name box. And so, I had to settle for renaming one of my militia units as "The Titans of Terror". Maybe with a cool name to boost their moral, their cohesion will improve. Surely something will get better, 'cause with an Arkansas militia unit, things can't get much worse, you know what I mean?

So anyway, I'd love to tell you about my brilliant, amazing plan of assured victory, but I don't have o- ... the time to detail all of its nuances, so you'll just have to wait, OK?

But I should tell you that I have severely punished Coffee Sergeant for his audacity of taking all of my supply depots away, by having my horses pounce: the Union is staggering from the loss of that little harbor across from Lexington, I'm sure. Oh: and Bloomington is still under siege. That'll show 'em!

As for Victory Points and Morale and all that stuff, I don't have the numbers, but its pretty much equal, so far. But those numbers aren't showing that as those wicked, chuckling Yankees eat our food in those supply depots, some of my soldiers are starting to grumble about the little things. Stuff like being out of food and water, and little things like that. They need to toughen up and quit whining, if you ask me. So what, if things look bleak, with Winter coming on?

But I have a plan...

[Coffee Sergeant]

Weird, I somehow managed to not only blow the depot at Fayetteville, but destroy the entire town as well.

[lodilefty]

Weird, I somehow managed to not only blow the depot at Fayetteville, but destroy the entire town as well.

An early Manhattan Project, no doubt....

[Daxil]

Weird, I somehow managed to not only blow the depot at Fayetteville, but destroy the entire town as well.

Sadistic bastard.

[Bertram]

There doesnt seem to be a town, it is only a depot...

[Hobbes]

This is turning out to be the most unique AAR I've ever read. It's like reading an old west romance.

I agree, it's great!

[Aphrodite Mae]

Coffee Sergeant and I have agreed that there will be no discussions with friends about the game in progress, during the game. (Option 1, in the Ethics thread.) With this clarified, we'll now continue our game.

Havely

[Coffee Sergeant]

Coffee Sergeant and I have agreed that there will be no discussions with friends about the game in progress, during the game. (Option 1, in the Ethics thread.) With this clarified, we'll now continue our game.

Havely

Except Dixicrat, and if it is a specific question regarding mechanics or game rules (like say, how does the depot at Fayetteville belng blown affect my supply status in Missouri ) I don't have a problem with it.

[Aphrodite Mae]

This is turning out to be (...) like reading an old west romance.

Maybe for you... but sweet lil' ol' me is thinking its more like a horror story!

You know how I was saying that in a horror story, folks always split up and bad things happen? Well, guess what! My folks split up, and bad things happened! It wasn't supposed to happen like that, but it did. That's because General Price isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean.

My instructions were pretty simple. At least, I thought so:
1) march your division from Union County to Rolla Depot
2) destroy the Yankee Cavalry
3) come back to the preserved trenches, in Union County

Price understood these orders to mean:
1) destroy the trenches
2) march to Rolla Depot and stay there
3) preserve the Yankee Cavalry

Meanwhile, in NW AR, Fayetteville or whatever it used to be has disappeared into the twilight zone. The depot and everything else is gone.[INDENT]No cute little houses.
No sweet little tents.
No tiny little factory.
Not even a scrap of a tiny little yellow flag.
It's just so... sad.
[/INDENT](When this is made into a movie, this is the part where the sad violin music begins in the background.)

The only good thing in the entire mess is that the mules made it through to provision "General Gump" in Rolla with beans and bullets, somehow.

There's more grief to describe, but I don't want to make General Coffee Sergeant too happy. Everything else is pretty much the same: The Titans of Terror continue to play cards on the outskirts of Bloomington, although there lookin' kinda hungry; and I still have no idea of what's out there in the fog.

But friends, don't be too concerned. You see, all of this is just a crafty deception intended to lure the Yankees into thinking that I'm a clueless, incompetent general... and you must admit, that part of the plan is being executed brilliantly!

[Aphrodite Mae]

If y'all are kinda wonderin' why I haven't been posting stuff, it's because someone (I'm not going to mention her name) has either been late posting her moves to our host, or has thoughtfully sent the host the TRN file back, rather than the ORD file he was expecting.

Now, for an update on "Colonel Aphrodite Mae's Horse Pouncing Extravaganza"! (I got demoted from "General" by Dixiecrat for "cluelessness" and "incompetence". He's not helping me at all, 'cause I asked him not to, and so I think that the real reason I got demoted is because he's jealous. Maybe.)

So: after Fayetteville disappeared into the twilight zone, those Cav meanies withdrew from Arkansas. And guess what?! They headed to Ft. Gibson, where my ol' buddy Stand Watie lives! Standie might look fierce and like a meanie, but he's a good friend to have, when you need to scare somebody. I guess he'd heard that Coffee Sergeant had been mean to me, 'cause he definitely didn't whip out the tea and strumpets for his guests!

I'm guessing that some unpleasantries were exchanged, because the Union Cavalry left pretty quickly. (Thanks, Standie! You're such a sweetie!)

Meanwhile, I got the bright idea that I should help out the Titans of Terror in their siege at Bloomington. Figuring that the besieged milita would be ready to surrender by now, I decided to have my horsies playfully pounce on them. Nothing serious, you understand: Assault on the top, but with the little green "I'm kidding" button clicked on the bottom. Well, this wasn't such a good idea. Nope. Dixiecrat claims that this is why I got demoted. But I had too many units anyway, and so having one less is kinda helpful, because it simplifies stuff.

Anyway, after the fiasco at Bloomington, the Titans of Terror were just hanging out, minding their own business... when suddenly, from out the fog, came that loathesome Union Cav unit, again! They beat up my Titans, and the Titans weren't doing anything! They were just sitting there, minding their own business! Is that injustice, or what?!

So, my efforts have been simplified because I don't have as many units as I used to. This is a good thing: now, I can focus my intellect on a much simpler position! Plus, I've decided to take off my frilly little gloves with the lovely lace thingies... so that means that the gloves are now off, Coffee Sergeant! No more sweetness from me!

[Dixicrat]

Huh, oh! I'm feeling kinda sorry for Coffee Sergeant. The gloves are off, and I think everybody knows what that means. Now that Stand Watie has shown up for the party, I suspect that Mae is going to use him as she has with me. She's going to unleash her [color="Red"]Assault Balloons[/color]!



Stand Watie's Flying Circus will soon be on the loose!




Many thanks, Jabberwock, for your classic graphic!

[Aphrodite Mae]

Let's rethink this "gloves off" business, shall we? It's kinda cold, actually, to be runnin' around without gloves. Especially in Missouri, when it starts snowing and stuff.

Let's get the bad news over with first, OK? Dixicrat demoted me to Lieutenant Colonel, at the end of turn 8. He said that competent commanders provide for the welfare of their troops, and don't have 'em out wandering around in the woods during blizzards. Especially when they're low on supplies.

How was I to know? I mean, every time that he and I have played, I've had certain... uh, advantages, admittedly. And you kinda take such things for granted, after awhile. But this time, I don't think that General Coffee Sergeant is going to attack me with an unescorted, fully-laden supply wagon like Dixicrat does, when it snows and I'm kinda low on food and blankets and stuff.

More bad news: no assault balloons. I guess they're not a part of this scenario, after all. So I'll have to make do with what I've got. I'd planned on wintering my forces in St. Louis, and now... this is just pitiful.

UPDATE: Dixicrat just demoted me to Major. He says that command leadership doesn't whine and make excuses. What a disaster this is turning out to be! (Maybe I shouldn't have been so snooty when I told him that I didn't need any help, and he could go geek off someplace else. Oops.)

OK, I need to get my act together, and put on my game face again. Fine!

Coming at ya, General Coffee Sergeant![INDENT]
[/INDENT]Defiantly,
acting General Aphrodite Mae

[Aphrodite Mae]

At the beginning of turn 11, here's how things stand between Coffee Sergeant and me. (Sweeties / Meanies):

[CENTER]NM 100 / 100
Combat Losses 2374 / 750
VP 98 / 99
[/CENTER]

[Coffee Sergeant]

Marginal victory for the Union. On to the second leg. Dixicrat is taking this one

[Bertram]

I think there is a hiatus in this narrative? And I was enjoying it!!!

[Coffee Sergeant]

Yeah sorry, I wasn't doing my part in keeping it updated. I promise I will with Dixicrat. I got the first turn file togday. I am also keeping an AAR with my strategic thoughts that I will reveal when the game is finished.

[Aphrodite Mae]

Maybe you're wondering whatever happened to everybody, after that last post about it being cold in MO, and everything.

Well, to start with, all of the strumpets left, after General Price and crew ran out of tea. So there wasn't any bargaining to be done with General Coffee Sergeant. (You just can't do it, without tea and strumpets!) As a matter of fact, pretty much all of the supplies were running kinda low, and things were starting to look pretty bleak.

Now, I've always heard that the best defense is a good offense, right?! So, I told Price to march his guys right over to Springfield, and take it from those mean ol' Yankees! But when he got there, guess what?! Well... nobody was in the mood to fight. I mean, you'd think that tough guys would be able to take a little bit of hardship every now and then, you know what I mean? But nooo... just because they were out of food and stuff when I marched 'em through a little blizzard or two, they turned into a bunch of sissies!
What [color="Plum"]wimps[/color]!

So... seeing that nobody was in the mood to take Springfield, I decided it might be a good idea to see if there were any accommodations in Rollins. So everybody marched back there. Through another blizzard or two. But when they got there...? Bummer! All of the hotels were booked by gun-totin' Yankees, and their horses, and I guess their camp followers, too. (Some of the Yankee strumpets looked suspiciously familiar, I might add.)

Are you starting to get the idea, here? My strategy had been to keep General Coffee Sergeant busy in MO, so he wouldn't have time to pester the good folks in Arkansas. That part worked, I guess: he stuck around, just so he could watch how many soldiers I could lose without firing a shot. Attacking Rollins uphill across a river through the snow against entrenched soldiers kinda helped, a little bit.

So, when I got the "General Price is recovering in Bermuda" message, I knew that things were pretty bad. No Price, no soldiers, no strumpets, no nothing. The picture pretty much sums up how I was feeling.



That's when I remembered Stand Watie! And I conceived a brilliant plan! The very last thing that Gen CS would have been expecting was Amphibious Native American Steamboat Marines, right?! Especially in Kansas! Suddenly, I felt confident again!

So, I marshaled my forces in Ft. Smith, and waited for the river to thaw.

And waited. And waited, and waited. Finally, things started lookin' up! I was chuckling with malevolence, just imagining how shocked those mean ol' Yankees were gonna be when a bunch of Steamboat Indian Marines came wading ashore, on the beaches of Kansas!

Of course, sometimes we over-estimate our abilities...



So maybe its better that it didn't work out like I planned. Besides which, my killjoy husband said something like, "hey! Didja know that your 'Indian Steamboat Marines' won't work?" And he told me why.

So what's a girl to do? Well... not much, really. I just decided that I would try to survive whatever Coffee Sergeant threw at me from out of the fog, and that if I could just hang on and maybe cause a tiny bit of mischief, I'd be OK. And that's kinda the way it turned out.

So... YAAAAY! Hurray for me, 'cause I'm the very first girl to play in the AACW world championship! ompom: Think about it for a second, OK?! I am the highest rated woman in the world, in AACW! Is that cool, or what?!

Now, my husband will have to avenge me against the perfidy of the black-hearted, horse-pouncing, depot-snatching villain that the world calls Coffee Sergeant! I'll be satisfied if he beats him by, oh, about a hundred points or so. That will soothe my trauma, I think. So! Stay tuned for more drama...

[dooya]

Congratulation, General Mae. And please remember that there is a victory in every defeat.

[runyan99]

Interesting picture of the cat and the eagle. Nice eagle, and I cannot believe the cat wanted to take it on, and I cannot believe the eagle let the cat get that close. In any case the eagle looks more incredulous than frightened. You wanna piece of me?

[Daxil]

Interesting picture of the cat and the eagle. Nice eagle, and I cannot believe the cat wanted to take it on, and I cannot believe the eagle let the cat get that close. In any case the eagle looks more incredulous than frightened. You wanna piece of me?

It almost looks photoshopped. If that's real they're probably both thinking, 'Darn, just a little too big."