Sergeant Pepper's Battlefield Band!

[Aphrodite Mae]

Hi, friends!

I've been doing some reading, and I've made the most amazing discovery! OK, so, everybody knows about Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, right? You know what I'm talking about: the album with the same name, by the Beatles, and the song, and all that stuff. I always thought that the Beatles just completely made it all up, kinda like I do when I write fake history posts like this one. But no, Sergeant Pepper was a real person, who lived in the 19th century! But ya know what? That's not the most amazing part. The most amazing part is that he fought for the South, during the American Civil War, even though he was British!

OK, he didn't really fight. At least, not at first. He was a band member of a battlefield band! The band was originally "Colonel McTavish's Bravehearts Band", but after McTavish was killed at Chancellorsville, Sergeant Pepper boldly seized command of the band on the battlefield, and the rest is (admittedly obscure) history! As things got worse and worse for the South, Sergeant Pepper and his Bravehearts band were often conscripted on the battlefield as Infantry. At Vicksburg, Confederate General Johnston supposedly told Sergeant Pepper, "Shush that infernal racket, make yourself useful, and pick up a rifle, man!!"

Sergeant Pepper's story is pretty amazing, let me tell ya! He saw a lot of combat. I mean, he hadn't even managed to step foot on American soil before he was being shot at! He was on a brig that had almost slipped through the Union blockade, and was sneeeeeeaking upriver under cover of darkness. A Union artillery battery spotted them, though, and started shelling their boat. Mr. Pepper kinda went to pieces, freaking out bigtime! Maybe it was because of the way that the tough Confederate sailors just laughed at him and made fun of him, but after that...? He was just super brave! I mean, its not like he didn't have a good reason to come unglued: his boat got sunk, and he had to swim to shore! That's not a very nice way to welcome somebody to America, if you ask me. But like I said, he was a real hero after that. Before the end of the war, he had nearly 30 bands shot out from under him! At Appomattox, he and his surviving band members were allowed to keep their instruments, and he supposedly said, "I finished the war a band ahead." This may be apocryphal, though.

After the war, he wrote a song about his experiences that was waaaay ahead of its time. Because Pepper was so far ahead of his time, John Lennon memorialized him by using the exact same harpsichord tune that ex-Sergeant Pepper wrote in 1867, and just changed the lyrics a little. The tune that you and I know as Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is the tune that Pepper wrote in 1867!! Isn't that amazing, though? It was written a century before the Beatles made it famous! I think that's pretty cool!

Lennon changed the words a little bit, and it's easy to understand why. Pepper's original lyrics were really a bummer! His song was a haunting recollection of his experience, during the war.

I've found his original lyrics. Like I said, they're to the tune of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. They're really sad, so I'll understand if you cry. I did!

Picture yourself in a boat, on a river,
bombarded by Yankees, with nowhere to hide...
everyone smiles, as you flounder and cower,
a bloke with wide terrified eyes...

Walls of a fortress behind a wide moat,
towering over your head...
look for the guys who are guarding your flanks,
but they're gone...

Fighting losing battles, just sucks, man!
Fighting losing battles, just sucks, man!
Fighting losing battles, just sucks, man!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!!
(repeat chorus, and fade)

I think it's that last soulful cry of anguish, that really gets to me. Poor Pepper!

[Ethan]

A nice story, Aphrodite!

Thank you very much for share it.

Best Regards!

[Ol' Choctaw]

Excellent tale Great Queen.


Glad to see you back here entertaining all us new troops.

[Dixicrat]

Sergeant Pepper's story is pretty amazing, let me tell ya!

Wow, I'll say! Great scholarship, Aphrodite!

Pepper's original lyrics were [...] really sad, so I'll understand if you cry. I did!

Well, I didn't quite cry, but I did catch my breath a bit, you might say...

Thanks for an entertaining post, your majesty!

[Sarkus]

What are your sources for this story, if you don't mind me asking? I'm not seeing anything popping up about any of this browsing around the internet, and in fact there are other "explanations" about where the Beattles got the idea and name from.

Not to mention that I'm not aware of any mid-19th century poets or song writers that would have used ",man" in quite the way the lyrics posted do. It looks a lot like the slang way its been used in recent years, though I could be wrong on its history as such.

[gchristie]

To see you and Dixicrat return to the forum, Mae.

And a most heartfelt congratulations to you both.

We have two girls, and I love them dearly, even/especially through the tumultuous teenage years . Had I the skills, I'd design a medal for you made up of pink cigars.

When asked once why he didn't discipline his rambunctuous children more, Lincoln supposedly replied, "love is the golden chain that binds our children to us," or something like that. Words to live by.

Regards, and I look forward to more of your winsome posts.

George

[Dixicrat]

What are your sources for this story, if you don't mind me asking? I'm not seeing anything popping up about any of this browsing around the internet, and in fact there are other "explanations" about where the Beattles got the idea and name from.

Not to mention that I'm not aware of any mid-19th century poets or song writers that would have used ",man" in quite the way the lyrics posted do. It looks a lot like the slang way its been used in recent years, though I could be wrong on its history as such.

The source for the story is my wife's imagination! (For those of you who don't know it, Aphrodite Mae is my wife.)

[...] I always thought that the Beatles just completely made it all up, kinda like I do when I write fake history posts like this one. [...]

Another clue that she wasn't intending for anyone to take her seriously was the " " that she used in the thread title.

We regret any confusion she may have caused you, Sarkus. Furthermore, we appreciate your tact! If you missed her disclaimer, then no doubt, you were thinking "what a bunch of hooey!"

We've recently returned to the forums after a two year absence. My wife isn't a very strong wargamer, and so her contribution to the forums is the same as what it was when we were here before: she writes occasional whimsical posts like the "SGT Pepper" one. The idea is that her writing provides a bit of a change from the routine here, and hopefully gives her readers a smile.

Regards,
Dixicrat

[Sarkus]

Ah, no harm done! I've only been a regular visitor to this board in the last few years, so I don't think I'd come across either of you before. And I did miss the obvious disclaimer there.

[Dixicrat]

After her post involving Sergeant Pepper's service to the CSA the other day, the Queen suggested to me a novel idea for a new AACW support unit: Battlefield Bands. We discussed the idea over a lovely dinner that included a bottle of an excellent Bordeaux. The more of the wine that we consumed, the more dignified and solemn our discussion became, as those of you who know Aphrodite Mae can well imagine. What follows is the result of our discussion.

Historically, many units had bands at the beginning of the war. Furthermore, I seem to recall reading somewhere that at least one early battle's outcome was affected by a band. Bands in AACW would have three roles: they would increase friendly morale, decrease enemy morale, and increase regional loyalty.

In the game, a Band would have no offensive value whatsoever (unless they were truly awful), but they would probably have a great "Protection" value to reflect that people probably weren't going to shoot the band unless the band was really bad, and even then the bandsmen would probably be sensible enough to hide behind something, after they lost a bugle player or two from friendly fire.

There is historic support for enemy bands' appeal to the local population, too. Perhaps the "Police" value of a Band might be fairly high, to reflect the effect of cheerful, peppy music putting people into a good mood. After all, a Union band playing "Dixie" in Nashville might go some ways toward making the citizenry feel less imposed upon.

Battlefield Bands would have no replacements, and their cohesion would recover much more slowly than other units. This simulates that musicians are sensitive souls, and some are easily offended. ("My tuba got hit by a bullet! That was rude!") With no replacements, the units will gradually degrade until they dissappear. This is historical. Thus, the only way you can reinforce your band is by merging it with another band. I propose that doing so will improve the band quality, too. (More Police effect. More of a morale impact, and so forth.)

Mae proposed that the band's Posture indicates the music its playing. On "Assault", the Union band in Nashville is playing The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the Star Spangled Banner. (Over, and over, and over, again.) On the other hand, in Defensive posture, maybe that Union band is playing Dixie, and feigning Southern accents. As for ROE, she suggests that an "All Out Attack" would mean that they played 24/7. (Loudly.) A "Probing" ROE, on the other hand, means that they only play until bullied or sworn at.

It seems that it might be a good idea to have the bands be effectively impervious to weather. It's certainly not implausible, since it stands to reason that a group of a few dozen band members could probably find shelter from the weather from friendly locals eager to have some entertainment. While you're waiting for the Spring thaw, you'll be able to have General Goodtyme's band on tour, live and in concert across the frozen swamps of Louisiana, winning hearts and minds for the Union cause with their sentimental rendition of "Swanee River". If you meet a rival band, then whoever is playing the local music better and louder will probably win the engagement. (e.g., it would be a sad day for General Goodtyme's band if they were ambushed by a Cajun Zydeco band in the swamps of Louisiana...)

Tactics and Strategies will evolve, dealing with Bands:
can you spare your Glasgow Pipers from Mobile, so that they can merge with the Atlanta Drum and Bugle corps? Merged, they'll be able beat Sherman's band which is obnoxiously playing Battle Hymn of the Republic 24/7 in Charleston, South Carolina. On the other hand, there are reports that Alexander's Ragtime Band has covertly waded ashore on the gulf coast, not far from Mobile, so perhaps the Pipers should prepare an ambush, instead.

OK, maybe not.

In any event, terrain will be the deal breaker. A Band's movement will have all the pep of Siege Guns, when moving cross country. It makes sense: moving Tubas and Bass Drums through the steep, rough, thickly wooded Ozarks is something that will require time and patience. Even so, with foresight, you might pull off some brilliant delaying tactics. For example, positioning a Louisianna Zouve Cajun Zydeco band in Mudyuck, MS might enable an ambush which first delays an unsuspecting Union Cav unit, then causes that unit's cohension to drop drastically due to a tear-jerking performance of sentimental tunes.

We don't even need much new game graphics to get started. Just use a Zouave uniform, and have Nikel ditch the rifle and add a tuba. Presto! Later, perhaps we can jazz it up with all of the sashes and medals and shiney things that bandsmen of the era loved to wear. (Think "Sergeant Pepper", on the cover of the Beatle's Lonely Hearts Club Band album. ...Now, imagine his uniform after being promoted to General. ...That's the way they dressed. Really.)

That's enough to get a thoughtful discussion started, I think.
More importantly, what do you think, gentlemen?

[lodilefty]

If course, if stacked with Grant, the band unit loses all abilities.

"I know two songs. One is Yankee Doodle, the other one isn't."

[gchristie]

A heavy metal band should have a movement penalty...

[Aphrodite Mae]

If course, if stacked with Grant, the band unit loses all abilities.

"I know two songs. One is Yankee Doodle, the other one isn't."

What a great quote!

A heavy metal band should have a movement penalty...

...By the way, gchrisite, I just love your new sig!

(...And thanks for the sweet message of congratulations, too! :coeurs

[Jim-NC]

It seems that it might be a good idea to have the bands be effectively impervious to weather.

I think that weather is a non factor only if the band is not moving. I can just see attempting to move from 1 region to another carrying a tuba in a pouring rainstorm. It would slowly/quickly fill up with water.


On second thought, this could be a great source of water in the desert.

[Aphrodite Mae]

Jim, didn't you tell me a couple of years ago that you played the bazookaphone in High School Marching Band? I never was able to find any references to the instrument online, except for that one grainy picture that you sent. Gosh, that thing looked unwieldy! Kinda like trying to play a flute that's the size of a bassoon. Even so, I'll just bet that it was a real blast, to play! As far as I know, its the only music instrument in history that you had to actually reload!

I was kinda wondering if they had bazookaphones during the civil war era, and if they could have been a part of battlefield bands. I'm kinda thinking that surely they did, because having a musical instrument that you have to actually reload seems like something that everyone would want for a battlefield band, ya know what I mean?

[Dixicrat]

I was kinda wondering if they had bazookaphones during the civil war era, and if they could have been a part of battlefield bands.

It might interest you to know that Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture was originally scored for a percussion section that contained three bazookaphones. However, for whatever reason, the arrangement was changed before the first public performance, and cannons were used instead. As far as I know, this was the first composition written by a composer who intended to use bazookaphones, and so I doubt that they were available in the 1860s.

Another interesting footnote to history here is that the bazookaphone was the inspiration for the WWII weapon's name, probably due to its shape and breechloading qualities.

Who knew?

[Jim-NC]

Every band needs a bazookaphone. It would make recitals so much more lively. I can see the scene at some middle school somewhere.

Teacher - "Now Johnny, make sure you point that up, away from the audience, we don't want any accidents like last time."
Johnny - "But it wasn't my fault, Billy pushed me!"
Billy - "I did not! You quit telling lies about me Johnny, or you'll regret it! I'll git my daddy Ulysses to give you such a whuppin!"
Johnny - "Yer a yellow coward Billy, my dad Bobbie'll whup y'all."

Teacher - "Boys! Boys!"

[Ethan]

[GraniteStater]

"I laid an entire company of Rebs low with a deafening E-flat from my trusty double bass!"

[GraniteStater]

"We laid low an entire company of Rebs with two or three stout cadenzas!"

[Aphrodite Mae]

What a great picture, GraniteStater! Thanks!

...Bummer 'bout those Rebs, though.

Hey, if anybody has the skills, wouldn't it be cool if GraniteStater's picture could be photoshopped to have the bass drum say "SGT Pepper's Battlefield Band"?

By the way, GS, your avatar makes me grin! I haven't thought of "Bill the Cat" in years, so thanks for a blast from the past! Wonder whatever happened to Berkley, anyway? He was so brilliant during the 80's, and then he just kinda disappeared...

[gchristie]

Wonder whatever happened to Berkley, anyway? He was so brilliant during the 80's, and then he just kinda disappeared...

According to Wikipedia...

"On October 6, 2008, Breathed announced plans to discontinue all work on comic strips with the final Opus strip to run on November 2, 2008. Breathed plans to focus on writing children's books. Breathed explained that he felt that the United States was going to face "tough times", and that he wanted to end the saga of his most memorable character "on a lighter note".

The last Opus comic strip appeared on schedule, but in what may be a comic first the final panel required an online link. The final panel the strip showed Opus sleeping peacefully in the bed depicted in the classic children's book, Goodnight Moon. This panel was available only online, and the Humane Society page that displayed it no longer exists.

Breathed said that he had no regrets in leaving political cartooning, as he believes the atmosphere became too bitter for him to make quality cartoons."

[GraniteStater]

What a great picture, GraniteStater! Thanks!

...Bummer 'bout those Rebs, though.

Hey, if anybody has the skills, wouldn't it be cool if GraniteStater's picture could be photoshopped to have the bass drum say "SGT Pepper's Battlefield Band"?

By the way, GS, your avatar makes me grin! I haven't thought of "Bill the Cat" in years, so thanks for a blast from the past! ...

Always a pleasure, My Lady of the South.

[Captain_Orso]

M' Lady, I hope this is to your liking

[GraniteStater]

The Cap's got skills!

[Dixicrat]

M' Lady, I hope this is to your liking

Man, that rocks! Most excellent work, Captain! Thanks! ...Somebody give Captain Orso a medal!

GraniteStater, your original band picture made me grin broadly, but when I read your caption... well, sir, it caused me a fair amount of actual physical pain.

Why...? ...Simply because I squirted Diet Coke out of my nose. I must say that it's rather difficult to maintain one's dignity as a gentleman under such circumstances... especially when you're quietly sitting in the corner of a crowded pub and then, without warning, suddenly loudly spewing Coke everywhere while thrashing about and making choked wet snorting sounds.

I fear that because of this, some of the patrons might not come back. As our Queen would say, "what a bummer!"

Great work, gentlemen!

[GraniteStater]

Glad I could help. Hope you had some napkins.

[Captain_Orso]

Awww shucks, just doin' my part

[Aphrodite Mae]

Glad I could help. Hope you had some napkins.

Dixi told me all about it, after he got home! Sadly, GraniteStater, the answer is "no", he didn't have any napkins. He had to use a shirtsleeve! Isn't that atrocious, though? Especially since he was wearing a shortsleeve shirt that day. Dixi's kinda big, and so people always kinda want to help him out if you know what I'm talkin' about, but I'm still thinkin' that whoever's shirtsleeve he used probably won't want to come back to that sweet little restaurant, either!

[Aphrodite Mae]

M' Lady, I hope this is to your liking

Wow!! That's fantastic!! Thank you so much for taking the time to do something so cool!

What a sweetie you are, Captain Orse!
Here's a sweet little "thank you" smooch for you!

[Captain_Orso]

My pleasure M'Lady. Good that bears have fur on their faces, so nobody can see how red I'm turning